The Wizard's Countdown
by Phiso
Summary: What could Fai be thinking as he watches the time tick by...? [124, 125 spoilers]
1. Chapitre Un

MAJOR SPOILERS.

You've been warned. Don't complain.

These all have to deal with Fai's thoughts, starting with chapter 124 and going back and forth. It has no specific plot; it serves only to allow me to fill in the places where Fai said nothing, simply thinking. Still, bodily, this takes place in 124.

I hope this doesn't suck. If it does, tell me and I'll fix it. I also hope I go through with my intent to make this more than one chapter.

Disclaimer: If I owned Fai, well…things might have turned out differently.

  
  


**The Wizard's Countdown**

_C h a p i t r e 1_

I never wanted to die. I hadn't meant for this to happen.

That's a lie, of course. I've gotten so good at those. I knew what I was doing when I allowed it to happen. How could I not?

The interesting question is: why did I allow it?

Maybe Kuro-puu was right. I've grown attached to our little band of travelers: two cats and two dogs following a white manjuu bun, looking for a Princess's feathers by roaming through an assortment of worlds. Yes, that must be why.

Still, as I look back on all this, I can't help but smile (although that's not rare now, is it? I smile at everything). I had come to the Dimensional Time Witch in hopes of running away, aspiring to be a lonesome nomad making plenty of acquaintances but never getting close to anyone, and what happens? I end up here, lying on a hospital bed, missing an eye and half of the magic I had sworn never to use thanks to a pair of star-crossed teenagers, not to mention an unfortunate amount of blood.

Still, even though they're the reason I'm here, I'm not angry. It was my choice, after all – my stupid risk. I didn't think it would actually work, but I couldn't give up. Not without trying.

Now that I start to recall everything, I must say, I have no idea what was I thinking. I hate pain, and that was pretty painful. I must have been crazy.

No. Not crazy. I know better now. I had just started to take Kuro-tan's advice. I had let them in, and as a result I hurt everyone.

He really should just let me die. I'm no good at this sort of thing. All I know how to do is run away and smile.

Yes. Smiling. I've gotten really good at that, too.


	2. Chapitre Deux

MAJOR SPOILERS. 

Yes, I realize chapter 125 is out already. Don't worry, I'll address that soon.

I'm not sure if this is any good, so I would appreciate constructive criticism, preferably ending on a slightly jolly note. It makes me feel better after you rip it apart. :D

Ah, yes. If you're bilingual or more, please check my profile. I would appreciate it very much.

Disclaimer: If I owned TRC, trust me, the art would be terrible.

**The Wizard's Countdown**

_C h a p i t r e 2_

I'm going to miss them.

I wonder how they'll fare without me. Will they miss my fake smiles? My dancing? My endearing habit of perverting Kuro-chan's fierce name into something cute and cuddly?

I've always wondered if he really hated that or not.

They'll probably be fine. The loss of Syaoran is probably hitting them harder than losing me – I'm just dying. He betrayed everyone.

Well, no, now I'm getting melodramatic. Syaoran was never truly real to begin with. I had hoped, of course, that that would change one day, but one can't live on hopes alone. You learn that when someone tears your eye out and eats it.

Yep. It's a hurdle everyone must cross, and I will cross it with dignity. Who knows? One day I may look back on all this and laugh, laugh at my foolishness and misguided dreams. I was sucked in much sooner than Kuro-rinta realized: he may have masterful powers of observation, but not even he noticed I had been binding Syaoran with my magic for a very long time. I had broken my vow for him – for all of them - way before we landed in Tokyo.

Oh, look at that. An optimistic thought crossed my mind. _One day._ As if I'll let myself survive.

Isn't that nice.

I wonder what they'll do with my body. Sakura-chan will probably be crying, but who the tears will be for I don't know. I'd like to think they're for me, but they're probably not. Syaoran-kun was much closer to her than I am.

Kuro-pipi will probably unceremoniously drop me into some random hole, Mokona weeping over the grave and scolding Kuro-rin for being so harsh to the dead. The Black One will glare angrily into the grave, curse my name and my idiocy, and then turn away to find the boy whose new eye will thankfully be useless, leaving my corpse to be eaten away by poison rain.

And Chii…Chii will never know what happened. The day Ashura-ou wakes up, she'll try to alert me in vain, and will wonder why I don't answer her calls She might even think I hate her. While it pains me to know I'll never be able to explain this to her or see her again, nevertheless, I can just imagine the look on the King's face when he starts hunting for me and finds someone already beat him to his prey. It makes dying almost worth it.

Of course, dying means I'll never be able to enjoy Chii's soft smiles and bright eyes; Sakura's warm, eager disposition; Mokona's tireless humor; Syaoran's loving determination; Kuro-kun's fierce protective nature. They'll be out of my reach forever.

And even though I'm doing this to protect them…Still, I'm going to miss them.


	3. Chapitre Trois

MAJOR SPOILERS.

Ah, 125 response up. I had considered putting the next two chapters before this one, but I think they'll fit after this as well.

Again, I am always looking for constructive criticism, so if you have any, dish it out! Just be sure to add a little sugar in my tea before hand; I like drinking in strong ideas, but not so strong that they knock my teeth out. :p Maybe a bloody eye, though.

Anyway, enough of my sad excuse of a metaphor. In the words of Monty Python, "Get on with it!"

Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than that really bad metaphor I attempted earlier. That, and maybe the tap-dancing Mokona with peacocks and a beach ball idea. I'm not sure about that one.

  


**The Wizard's Countdown**  
_C h a p i t r e 3_   


This isn't fair. I had just begun to doze off peacefully, thoughts of a tap-dancing Mokona sporting a top hat lulling me to sleep, when I heard the last thing I wanted to hear.

What is Kuro-wanwan doing? Is he really going to try and save me, even after I told him that the only way to secure victory against Syaoran is my death? And he calls _me_ an idiot. If I had the will and energy, I would show him what my powers could do when truly unleashed. Maybe then he'd understand why I have chosen to die.

Still, I'll keep quiet. With luck – as if I had any - this will fix itself and I won't have to say anything. Speaking hurts at the moment, and we all know how I don't like pain.

The longer I listen to these people, the crazier they sound. Are they really going to make me drink _blood_? Were they really willing to _give_ me their blood? The very idea is ridiculous. Absurd. As if they would really turn me into a vampire to keep me alive. As if it my life was worth the damage Syaoran was probably causing thanks to my eye and my magic. As if they really cared that much.

They're not stupid. They'll see the logic in my decision, and will respect my choice. Why wouldn't they? This is how it's supposed to be. I was destined to die on this hospital bed next to Sakura-chan, surrounded by those whom I had unwittingly come to love and had sacrificed my life for.

Yes. That sounds much better than my original plan of "accidentally" jumping in front of something large and deadly the day Ashura-ou woke up. It makes my death sound much nobler.

That was a joke, by the way.

Or was it?

In any case, it doesn't matter anymore. Now, where was I? Ah yes, Mokona was just about to begin his final number involving peacocks and a giant beach ball…

Wait. What is Kuro-pon saying?

No. He can't. He can't seriously be considering feeding me his blood. I won't let him. I have to say something, anything –

…Well. Apparently I was mistaken. I guess…I guess I'm going to live after all.


	4. Chapitre Quatre

For some reason, I don't like this one as much as the others. It sounds too serious. Is that bad? O.o Anyway, if I re-upload this one, don't be surprised. I'm still not convinced it's good.

Disclaimer: If I owned TRC, Fai would have someone else in his arms besides Chii and Mokona all the time. :shifty eyes:

  
  


**The Wizard's Countdown**  
_C h a p i t r e 4_  
  


It's so cold.

You would think I'd be used to it by now. It would snow for days in the hiemal country of Celes; sometimes the sun wouldn't rise for weeks, the world covered in a frozen blanket of darkness and wind. Fur wasn't the material for the wealthy there - fur was the material for the living. If you didn't wear at the minimum three layers, at least one of which lined with either bear, rabbit or fox fur, you would become a human popsicle in a few hours. Not fun, and it's very difficult to get people out of those – I should know. Every where you look there's ice and snow. In my country, warmth is precious and rare, and we protect any we can find fiercely.

When I first began to travel with the others, I have to admit it was rather exciting - finally, I would get to see places with daylight _every single day_! Cities boiling under the sun as it beat down on them with all its strength; and there I was, baking feverishly like a cake in an oven but enjoying every minute of it. Humidity was a foreign concept to me; I didn't even know the word existed until we landed in the Hanshin Republic. The very idea of water floating around invisibly in air was fascinating, and when I learned that it made it feel even hotter outside I suddenly began praying that every country we landed in was drowning in humidity.

Still, coming from Celes, it would never be hot enough for me. I wear my fur coat everywhere, roasting constantly and relishing it like a fine wine. Ah, I love fire, I love heat. Then again, I suppose when you lived in a country where your breath froze when it came in contact with the air during the coldest months of the year, you would love anything with the power to melt it all away.

Nevertheless, right now, it's freezing. I've never been this cold in my entire life. The moment Kamui and Kurogane's blood touched my lips; all warmth left my blood, knocking the wind out of me. I feel like ice is coursing through my veins; I can't stop shivering. This blanket is doing nothing for me; I can't even feel the heat radiating off of Sakura-chan anymore. My skin is burning painfully, and my muscles are beginning to ache from all the trembling. I might as well be making a snow angel in a bathing suit. Is this part of the price of being a vampire? Are you sentenced to a perpetual artic state?

It's funny how things turn out. I escaped, hoping to find relief from my chilly glacier of a life by sticking to deserts and other such places, and now I'm stuck with a mind-numbingly cold condition that makes a night in Celes look like a day at the beach.

Hm. That's strange. When I licked the last red droplet off of my lips, I suddenly felt a blazing heat run though my body again, if only for a moment.

_...Mm._

I never realized just how deliciously warm blood is.


	5. Fin

Ta-da! The end! It's much more solemn, I feel, than the other chapters, and I bet it's longer too. It took me more time to write this since I insisted on somehow relating the title to the actual content, and it took me awhile to get it right. Luckily, CLAMP had Fai passed out for a full chapter and allowed me an excuse to allow Fai to get some serious thinking done. In any case, I hope you've enjoyed my little story here – if you could call it that, anyway – and I also pray that this last chapter makes a good ending. _Adeiu!_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Fai or any of his wonderful little buddies. And this makes me sad.

  
  


**The Wizard's Countdown**  
_C h a p i t r e 5 – F i n_

  


I don't know if passing out was a smart idea or not. On one hand, I'm no longer in pain – always a good thing. On the other, when I'm unconscious I think too much, and I must admit I don't always like where my trains of thought end up.

Still, there's no avoiding this; I'm going to have to face this sooner or later. I'm alive – albeit a half-vampire – but alive nevertheless. I wasn't expecting this. I thought my countdown was over.

You see, every living creature has a drop of magic in them - Life in itself is a form of magic. If one could harness the amount of pure power in a newborn infant, they could easily rule the world. Few mages can harness even a shred of that power; the most they can do is nourish life. I, however, am one of the few who can create life. I created Chii.

Life, of course, does not function alone: it works alongside Time, eternally intertwined. It is impossible to separate them; for once Life is created Time reaches in and traps it in its claws, assigning the unspoiled essence an inevitable countdown. Most are not aware of this countdown until age or disease strikes; many never feel it at all. As a sorcerer who has mastered Life, unfortunately, Time is constantly pressing down on me. I thought I could read my clock, ticking away quietly and reaching zero moments after Syaoran's last meal. I was so sure it would end here – and yet it didn't.

Death follows Pain – that's how I've always seen it happen. Sure, you may get those few, merciful, last moments of numbness before you go, but for the most part agony is always closely related to the end. After all the pain I went through, you'd think I would've had enough torment to die ten times over. So why aren't I gone?

This last pain involving Kuro-chuu's blood was terrible. My very bones were screaming out in protest; my skin was on fire, a horrible response to the frozen quality it had seconds before; I could literally feel my body ripping itself apart. I don't understand why it even bothered putting itself back together again.

…See, this is why I hate thinking. None of this is answering any of my questions; all I'm succeeding in is going around in circles.

Speaking of circles…if Death always follows Pain around like a misguided puppy, why did it choose to follow Life this time around? My entire clock has been reset; the awesome power of a creature's first breath was thrust upon me for the second time. Does Pain not only come before Death, but before Birth as well? Before Life itself?

In any case, as usual, the choice of life was not of the person destined to live it. No, this time Kuro-pyon acted as my surrogate mother and decided against my wishes that I would be spared. Now my problem is I can't read my own clock anymore. My countdown has restarted, and while I know where I began, now I don't know where I end.

To be perfectly honest, I hate living like this: where every moment a mystery and you never know if your next step could be your last or the first of a million.

In the long run, though, it doesn't really matter, now that I really think about it. However many steps I take, as long as they take me away from Ashura-ou I'm fine. If they just so happen to lead me somewhere fun – and quite possibly with cookies – than that's even better. I mean, hey. I have time to kill.

Right?


End file.
